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January 07, 2004
Second Life Addiction?
Perhaps it is part of the regular pattern of becoming acquainted with a new computer game, but I have been addicted recently to Second Life. This may explain the spotty blog entries this past week.
It is not exactly a "game" and it may not be a new concept (since "The Sims Online" was one of the originators). However, the execution of Second Life is, I believe, quite stunning and unique. In a nutshell, a company in San Francisco has created a digital world and allowed you to populate it with your avatar.
Once you have you alter ego online, you simply roam around, chat with people, play games, buy land, build homes, create objects you may want to sell for the local currency (Linden Dollars) and so on. What makes this unique -- there is no ultimate goal or quest; people simply form emerging social and dwelling systems and economies: a laissez-faire experiment in a digital petrie dish.
The objects you create can involve complex scripting -- for instance, you may create a doorbell on your Second Life home that triggers an e-mail and/or IM alert in your First Life. The world comes pre-populated with a roster of such objects but intrepid scripters and builders have been creating their own inventions and distributing them or selling them. This creativity has caused the company hosting the world to address intellectual/digital property rights -- good news: you make it, it's yours...digitally, at least.
In the past few days, my character has bought land, designed and built a home, had guests over, gone to a strip club, gone to a dance club, bid for new land in an auction, participated in movie trivia games for Linden Dollars, and much more.
Have a look -- don't get too addicted.
| PC Magazine review of Second Life |
| Article on Second Life and legal issues from LawMeme @ Yale University |
| Wired Magazine article |
By Eric, 01:00 PM in Games, Web/Tech
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Comments
I can agree with you , yes,it tends to be addictice.So much so my husband and I put ourselves on a self induced exile from it cause we spent so much time there.
Posted by: Deo at Nov 23, 2004 11:50:26 AM
Your post entitled “Second Life Addiction?" is not about an “addiction” in the usual sense of the term but actually a creative way for people to live their alter ego online. Considering all of the Internet-based ”addictions” that have emerged recently (such as porn, gambling, video games, comment addiction (i.e., checking the comments on one’s blog), Technorati addiction, addiction to online gaming, information addiction, MySpace addiction, and blog addiction), this creative online activity can possibly be considered a “good addiction” (if one can use this term in such a manner) :-)
DenMan7
http://www.About-Alcohol-Info.com
Posted by: Denny at Dec 8, 2006 9:43:41 AM
No, it is a bad addiction.
I know of one person who will be in world non stop 24-hours day. who will threaten his mother if she even mentions that it is time to come off, or that she would like to use her own computer.
I know a person who ignores their child that they only get to see on weekends when they come round to play this damn "Game"
A person who when coming back from having a drink and is unable to log on starts an arguement and fight on family members blaming them for not being able to get on.
YOU CAN GET ADDICTED TO THIS.
Posted by: Anonymous at Jan 30, 2007 5:27:05 AM
This can indeed be an addiction!
My wife has been staying up all night on SL. Worse, she has started lying about it. Tells me she was in bed all night and just got up early to get on SL when I know she never came to bed. Says she only is on SL for a half hour when I know she has been on for many hours. Recently she missed work to sleep all day because she was on SL all night. She gets testy if I try to talk to her while she is logged-in and avoids me online if I am logged-in.
I really don't care if she wants to have a fantasy life on SL - it may be healthy in many ways. But, it seems like she is going off the deep end and forgets that everything on SL is pretend.
Posted by: SL Widower at Jan 31, 2007 9:10:28 AM
I am making a documentary about Second Life and interested in finding people who can share experiences with SL addiction (their own or family/friends).
Please get in touch.
Thanks!
Jason
Posted by: SL Documentary at Jan 31, 2007 11:25:30 AM
It's definitive damn addictive. I started to play with SL a week ago, created an alternative identity for me, and was sucked into it almost immediately. After one week, I actually removed the SL software from my computer because even though I just spend two, three hours a day in SL even my day and night dreams began to circle around it. As an analytic person I would tend to state that people with very high imagination capabilities, like me, may not be perfectly suited to cope with such an immersive system, at least not when they have a real life, too.
Posted by: Eric at Feb 9, 2007 1:21:50 AM
I know a woman, that has to be reminded to pick her child up from school. Who will fake sick when they spend time together so she can go back online. One that ignors her child's plea for just a talk or for counsil to play the forsaken game. On the occasion that they do speak she talks over her, or rushes her on to speak about her online life. She's been playing since about August, to the point that her teenage daughter half wishes she hadn't introduced her mother at all. Even though it obviously makes her mother happy, and is her excape...
It is addicting, for many people who can't and won't balance RL with SL.
Posted by: Kitty at Feb 15, 2007 3:28:16 PM
my mother and step father are hooked bad on SL. i introduced them to it thinking they would try it, figure it was too "high tech" for them and give it up. I originaly thought it was interesting just having heard the idea of it, second life that is. once i actualy logged in and got around i was very unimpressed with it. it was very laggy and blocky. i'm really supprised that they took such a liking to it.
but as i was saying, my mother and step father at addicted to it very bad. my mother used to get so excited when she had visitors since she is sort of isolated, due to how far she lives from everyone. this also explains why its so easy for her to be addicted to it, she has nother else to do. the only thing that bothers me is that they practicly ignors all of their visitors when they come over. they have both become very anti-social and appear unkempt and zombie-like when i see them. my step dad's hair is getting shaggy and wild and both of them are always talking about not getting enough sleep because they are up all night "managing night clubs," or "going to crazy parties." it's crazy, i'm telling you.
all of this coming from an avid online gamer too. my mom used to yell at me for playing games too long, and look at her. this is starting to scare me as well as the rest of our family.
Posted by: Bones at Feb 19, 2007 2:47:59 PM
This is an extremly addictive behavior! It is not a game, it is an escape from reality, only to have seemingly "perfect"social intercation with God-knows-who on the other end. My husband actually partnered with some girl in this game and they completly frll in love. All though to them, it was just friendship in the game. But I ask you do friends snuggle in a scripted basket and make out? Do they cuddle and write songs to eachother? Do they tell eachother they are the love of their SL lives? No, that is a romantic relationship. Game or not? I say not! It is a chat room with fantasty places and activities. I hate that my husband has become so addicted. He would spend every free minute on this "game". And when I would ask for some time, even on Christmas and my birthday, it only started a huge fight. He became untruthful in everything that revolved around SL. And all of his "friends" and what they did on the game dominated every convrsation we had. I am now trying to work through this affair and salvage my marriage. To do so, I have requested that he sever all contacts with and from SL. Now he is depressed because he actually feels like he is missing something or hurting his true "friends". But how can they be true friends when they don't even know what the other looks like, their phone number, or anything that would make sense to those of us still left here in the real world. That is why this is NOT a game. It is dangerous and I warn all who attempt to "play" that this is a way to socialize with others in a seemingly perfect world, where you only learn what each of you wants to reveale to eachother!
Posted by: Toni at Mar 16, 2007 9:46:54 PM
I have been addicted to sl for almost five months. Spend over 120 hours a month in sl. I recognize all negative statements made above. I am Dutch, male, 52 years and business owner. I have 9 avatars and played many simultaniously on several computers. My business suffered badly, it costed me 10.000nds dollars missed business. My marriage hardly survived.
However... It has very positive sides too. I found out by reading Carl G Jung that i had given shape to my "Anima", my ideal female character. And by finding my way through a lot of BDSM (lots of it in sl) i learned a lot about my hidden wishes. I fought my way out of my addiction by doing several hours per day Yoga and by writing a diary and posting it as blog "a day of a sl addict" (in dutch). This worked as mirror and showed me how bad it was. Speaking about it helped a lot. We are now really better of than befor my addiction. SL can be very therapeutic!!! Rgds, Piet Rau (sl name)
Posted by: Piet Rau at Mar 19, 2007 7:42:51 AM
correction the post above.
Lol... Sorry i meant i spend 120 hours a week, 18 hours a day. in sl.. so alltogether about 2.500 hours. Rgds, Piet Rau
Posted by: Piet Rau at Mar 19, 2007 7:48:23 AM
My wife started doing it a few weeks ago. At first she was showing me what she was doing and we laughed at it together. I'd watch while she explored. I couldn't believe people are that desperate for an escape from reality (instead of fixing it) that they will spend hours with pretend shopping, entertainment, sports and even sex. One night everything changed. She came home from work and just wanted to spend a minimum of time with me and the kids then on to the laptop. I wasn't allowed to watch anymore. And she stayed up 'til 2 am. It's been like this for a week. A couple of days ago I had to ask. She wouldn't be specific. She assured me that it's not hurting me (little does she know), it's just fantasy, something she has to explore. It's 1:35 am right now. I can't sleep. She's sitting behind closed doors with her laptop. I love her, but I don't know if our marriage will last.
Posted by: Sad Guy at Apr 6, 2007 10:36:44 PM
My husband works for a computer software company. He was told by some of the r&d people to research and see if they could use Second Life for some of their customers. Well, now he is addicted. Big time.
He comes home from work and logs on to SL. He keeps it on until he goes to sleep (later and later every night). He has two accounts on two laptops running simultaneously. He had me drive when we went to visit his sister last month because he used a cellphone wireless card to play SL while we were making the 1 1/2 hour journey. He spent real money for the Linden money to buy a house on SL without telling me (keeper of the household finances). He does not play with our 4 year old or our 1 year old anymore. He does not talk to me except about what he has done on SL. He comes home from work in RL and immediately goes to work in SL.
He still says he is just researching. But when he cannot even watch 24 (his favorite show) last night because he was playing on SL, well I really don't think it is research anymore.
Posted by: ALin at Apr 10, 2007 7:42:06 PM
My wife started playing SL 4 months ago and said it felt like she was cheating on me when people were talking to here about things, well things got worse and 1 month ago I found out she was having an affair with a guy on second life he lived thousands of miles away from us and flew out to see her twice, I never liked how much time she spent on SL and only found out by reading the im messages she saved, we are trying to work on our marriage now but SL is still a big part of her life. I see it as very addictive!
Posted by: Sad Husband at Apr 21, 2007 12:51:08 PM
SL can be very addictive. I noticed this right away once I began to interact and explore what everyone is doing "in-world". It is a completely different universe that people can take too seriously and get lost in. As with a few others, I noticed that it did effect dream patterns and I began to dream of SL places as if they were real. I am not gamer but I had a similar experience when the game Doom came out back in the early 90's. It created an effect which was initially dubbed DIMS "Doom induced motion sickness". This became very real to the senses the same way SL can become to some people. In some way this does feel like a drug and needs to be rationed with good doses of RL "real life"!
Posted by: Russ at May 1, 2007 1:57:32 PM
Most alarming to me, many people who populate SL talk of "SL love", as if the heart can easily distinguish between what's real and what's fantasy. The former is flawed, and requires a great deal of effort and work. The latter is perfect, a construct of fancy, and therefore even more compelling. Welcome to the age of cyber Ken and Barbie. It's only going to get worse.
Posted by: Brian at May 10, 2007 7:02:27 AM
All I can say is that I think SL can be dangerous for some people. Me, in particular. I am in a relationship and I find myself thinking about going onto SL when I get home from work to see my "fantasy man". He speaks french, is sexy, charming, etc. I would say that I am a "hopeless romantic" but I think it's more the thrill of meeting someone new. The danger is that I am lying to my boyfriend. I tell him its about the clothes, travelling to different lands, but it's really me living out this fantasy. This exciting alternate life. I love to dress up, be it a gown or a sexy outfit, and teleport my "friend" to see me. He sees me, compliments me in french and I feel like a princess. So it's like a fairy tale, but you can also live out your darkest fantasies there too. One day I'm a princess, the next a dominatrix. Maybe this would all be ok if I were single. Somehow I think my boyfriend would see this as cheating. Instead of fixing your current relationship, you go on SL and create your fantasy life and relationship. You look perfect, so rejection isn't a factor. For me, this is a dangerous game. Could lead to me losing a very wonderful man. I see the SL name of this French man and my heart begins to race, as if I am completely infactuated. That's the rush, that's the danger. I don't know when to stop. Initially I logged onto SL to do the travel thing but as soon as I as I connected with a man that I perceived as exciting, sexy and interested in me, that's all I wanted to do, see him. I find the travel boring now. I even gave this man I do not know my email address. DANGEROUS game....for some of us. If your significant other is doing this I have a piece of advice..well I can only speak for myself, but I need excitement in my real relationship. I need to be thrilled again, be swept off of my feet...it can start small, with a date or whatever or even try real life role play. Otherwise, I fear this game will destroy alot of relationships. So if your girlfriend or wife is doing this, take her out, romance her...that's what she is looking for.
Posted by: Lisa at Jun 6, 2007 4:11:09 PM
My a ppology,but this is not my Sl name,for i felt a shamed of bieng angered by nabghours i dont know,when they hate me and a lady,who is just afriend.
its a long story,but all i do now is i kept a shop that sells air planes and ufos created by a buissness paertner.
it kills me thinking a bout what to do?beside i have that burden coming to my dreams some times.
sadness can be created by thinking why in many land i bought nabors hate me,could that be jelousy of me having a bigger land,i never figuere that out,milion times i say screw that stupid game.but i kept on coming to it to have my regular fix.(dont you laugh now?)i have 2 sides in me one syas hay its only a game,the other says no it is not cause its effecting my nerves to the point :when some fights i just mute him /her and a void the my nerves bieng F up.
As you say:when day i may see the light and i hope it will be soon.
i loved everybody's comments,specialy the guy who lost 10 000 usd,
WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?????????????shall we stop it before it kill our social lives.
love to all
Posted by: mosa amber(not my sl name0 at Jun 13, 2007 10:04:48 PM
I have read the article with interest, I have become very interested in SL, not as a participant, but as the partner of one who is. My opinion on SL is that like anything, moderation and balance is the key. I have a partner who has developed what I think is an unhealthy reliance on the game, to the extent that it is impacting on our lives. I am trying to start a blog myself to keep a "virtual diary" of the forgotten people, who have to survive with people in SL. http://www.myspace.com/secondlifepartnersupport
Posted by: paul at Jun 14, 2007 3:56:36 AM
My husband and I recently have split up because he was having an affiar on SL. He stayed at the office until 2 or 3 in the morning each night - sometimes he would stay all night. He has denied and lied about it all. He has even spent money for bills to get money in the game which he uses to buy gifts for his SL wife. This is an escape from reality but it becomes their reality after a while. The SL friends and spouses become more important than the RL friends and spouses. When confronted he denies and when shown proof he becomes angry. Any excuse to leave the house and get back to the office to play is taken. This is absolutely an addiction. Until he opened his account we had a happy marriage - problems like everyone but overall happy.
Posted by: Wendy at Jun 20, 2007 7:32:45 AM
I too am losing my wife because of SL. She has met man who lives in France. But they now speak to each other nightly on the phone,(skype)they have sex over the phone, and my wife says she loves him more than anything and won't "give him up". so I guess she's giving me up instead. She locks her self in a room all day and night.When she can't speak to him she has other SL friends that she must keep in contact with. Apparently she feels the need to constantly be in SL. Dancing, chatting etc.She's even said it's a dangerous game getting that personal and giving out personal information,yet they seem to be the most important people in her life.She doesn't have time to answer the phone or talk to her mother ,sisters or daughter or best friends (real) or me her husband. And now she has decided to move out, but she claims it's temporary. All she needs at the new place is a high speed connection.
Posted by: Renn at Jun 22, 2007 8:47:08 PM
I noticed that this article was written over three years ago and we are still blogging about it. I confess; I am a SL addict. I started playing SL in Dec 2006 and spend approx. 30 hours a week playing. For those who don’t think you can get addicted, you should think twice. I find myself logging on even when my SL friends are not online to go shopping, adjusting my house or avatar, or finding the perfect outfit for the perfect occasion. The attraction is the do-what-you-want-when-you-want without the real life (RL) responsibilities or restraints.
It hit home for me reading Lisa's post from June 6. I believe that we are all on SL for a reason. Something we are avoiding or unhappy about in our RLs. I often question my actions and thoughts, so I’m somewhat aware of why I play so often. Perhaps I’m missing something in my RL and SL fills that void, whether it’s the perfect body or the perfect mate. Like Lisa, I too found a male who made my heart flutter when I see him online. We both decided SL is where we draw the line. We talked about crossing over to RL, but both of us are too afraid to. In a sense, we both know the difference between the two and how it would complicate things in RL. I realized (and surprised) early in the game how easily one can have real feelings for someone imaginary.
Posted by: Prim Addicted at Jun 24, 2007 2:21:48 PM
THIS IS A REAL ADDICTION! And very dangerous for people with addictive personalities
My girlfriend of 3 years and I signed up oh about 8 months ago, we both made characters and started exploring and meeting new people and visiting different sims. It was alot of fun. She wasnt really working before we started, and always had a bit of a drinking issue, but anyway... we did as most do, exploring, and going to virtual clubs abd malls, while I got more interested in building using the 3D tools to make prims and combining them and texturing them to make all sorts of things, and yes I made $L (Linden dollars( which have a real life exchange rate! so I bought some land, bult me a house, got friendly with the neighbors etc... before yuo knew it, she was on all day long while i was at work, 10 hours sometimes... then I would go on for 2-3... then she would go right back on when i went to bed, just like previously mentioned, until 3, 4 5 am sometime s would be on still when i woke up in the morning. next thing you know she is on all day, all night, taking short naps when she can, satying up all night long drinking and playing SL up to 18 hours at 1 time. the more time she logged, the more involved she got, joining groups, and taking on Sl obligations, where she "had to be on".
Before you knew it I was there while she was on, but was being completely ignored while she was engulfed in the game. Oh, and the drama, she got married, then divorced, then married again.
I have my on stress in Real Life, if a game stressed me out like it did her, I would certainly give it up! rescently it got to the point I would come home from working 10 + hours and she would proceed to tell me what happened in Sl today and this person did this and that person is... omg an ALT (alternative avatar) and OMG this person said something you are not going to believe.... anyway, long story short, she completely lost touch with our relationship, and last week i walked out, and havent been back, I check periodicly on the website, she is still on... still loggin maximum hours in, and not persuing a reconciliation with me, SECOND LIFE BECAME HER FIRST LIFE, AND REAL LIFE BECAME SECONDARY.... don;t let this happen to you.
Posted by: Prim Limit at Jun 24, 2007 4:00:47 PM
To SL or not to SL...a question we all must ask ourselves. I have several avs myself. I have met some wonderful people in SL. I love SL. In SL one can be who they want, do what they want; limitations being ones own morals. OMG MORALS? Have we forgotten all about them? Let me refresh everyones memory on morals..."Personal morals define and distinguish among RIGHT and WRONG intentions, motivations or actions, as these have been learned, engendered, or otherwise developed within INDIVIDUALS." So...we blame things like drugs, alcohol, VIDEO GAMES! C'MON!! Lets all stand up and take some responsibilty for our own actions! SL did not do this horrible destruction I've read about here! The HUMANS behind the avs did..a CHOICE they made. When I am in the virtual world of SL..I still see a big RED X--upper right hand corner. One simple solution..UNPLUG!Now I love SL..but I also love my FAMILY, FRIENDS, LIFE--all RL!! If you are with someone who is "addicted" to SL and is having a hard time distinguishing REAL LIFE from the virtual world...CUT THE CORD..quit hiding behind the excuse "its because of SL"..it is NOT. I repeat..its the CHOICE the person has made. Period. If not now, if not SL...then maybe a trip to the local grocery store, or a chance meeting at a bar/club...affairs and addictions are wide spread and happen all the time..it is a MORAL CHOICE we as HUMANS make. I'd also like to point out what someone once told me. "Anyone can be tempted, anyone can fail, we are not perfect creatures..everyone deserves a second chance." I believe that. It doesn't say..those who show a total lack of morals or respect for oneself or those around them-repeadedly, or in many areas of their lives deserves to be coddled or have excuses made for them. Its time to go back to holding one responsible and accountable for their actions--or was I the only one taught this valueable lesson? Have we degraded that much as a race? All this long winded talk..comes down to...Its not SL..sorry..we all make choices every day.
Posted by: Prim Limit Reached at Jun 25, 2007 5:01:35 AM
First I would like to say that my heart goes out to all those who have written about the pain they are experiencing with their relationships .... it always is a hard road .... have been there a couple of times .... hang in there guys ... life does get better.
However ... your problems stem not from sl but from your relationships ..... period. Should a man who has had his wife leave him for woman blame it on the fact she had female friends ... or a man who has had his wife leave him for a man and his money blame the US Deparment of Currency? I don't think so ....
So stop the crap ... stop blaming sl for your own weakness .... stop blaming sl for ruining a relationship that was already on it's death bed. Stand on your own two feet ... go look in the mirror ... and blame the person looking back at you. Though you can't control another person you can control yourself, your reactions, your understanding, your demands, you, your and yourself. Be a freaking adult .... and stop blaming everything around so you don't have to take the reponsablity for your own actions.
How do you know that the rl partner that is spending too much time in cuddle poses or a sex gen bed in sl wouldn't be in the back seat of a car or the hotel down the road with someone, bringing who knows what STD's back to you, if they weren't in sl.
If you lost your buisness or became a hermit because you were hooked on soaps or baseball or even the breading habits of sloths would you be on a website blog blaming them?
So to all you finger waggers, boohooers, and chest thumpers out there .... get a real life first ..... then go enjoy sl .... have fun ... meet people from all over the world.... THAT is what sl is all about
Posted by: Prim Limit Exceded at Jun 25, 2007 3:59:12 PM
I too believe this game to be highly addictive. I have never played it, however, my mother constantly logs on and spends the entire night onlight...staying up until very late in the evening/early morning.
My mom had a life..she had my sister and I, both teenagers..and a great boyfriend. We're all still here for her, but it seems like we're put on the backburner every day and night for her game.
Tonight I was excited over a scholorship offer I had recieved for college..I told my mom..and she didn't even look away from her computer screen to acknowledge my existence. It's very sad, and very unnatural for anyone to behave in this way..and to see your mother..who a year would do crafts with you now merely says goodbye when you leave the house..it's tragic.
In agreement with the previous post, the game is not to blame..the person is. I just wonder how, once the person is consumed by the game, or if it's even possible to get them back..or at least realize he or she has an addiction.
Posted by: Concerned at Jul 8, 2007 6:20:09 PM
I was getting in too deep for awhile. My significant other pointed this out to me. I spent little time with loved ones and more time on sl. I have developed a couple "friendships" in sl. The friends I have on sl spend a great deal of time in there. It's as if sl is their first life. Personally, I know I was getting out of hand. I'm borderline right now, trying to go on less. I guess the important thing is for loved ones, children of, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, to talk to the person with the sl addiction about how they feel neglected. It cannot be healthy for anyone to spend all day long on a computer in fantasy land.
I feel that the individuals who have an addiction with secondlife are those who already have addictive personalities, like myself. It's an escape, its fun but it can be destructive to relationships. My significant other does not trust me in sl whatsover. We tell ourselves it's a game and our actions are acceptable. Is it acceptable? Is it ok to carry on flirtations, sexual liasons as two avatars? its basically chat rooms with visual stimulation. Not cheating? Tough call.
Posted by: Ice at Jul 10, 2007 12:48:43 PM
I have to agree with Prim limit exceeded, SL is a fix for people who are trying to fill a void somewhere in there lives, even i do it due to some health issues, in a way its nice to have the distraction but my fiance suffers it, he feels left out and it makes me feel bad knowing i make him feel like this, i plan to make a concious effort to cut down my hrs too.
Posted by: Frisky starbrook at Jul 11, 2007 12:01:32 PM
I recently canceled my SL membership and deleted the software from my computer.
Over the past five weeks, I got deeply involved, including in a relationship with another person online. It was extremely exciting and arousing. It's so hard to describe unless you've experienced it.
But it was deeply bothering me every day, both because of the way it was taking me away from my family and friends, and that I had to hide it, and it was totally at odds with my values.
Yet day after day, I couldn't bring myself to give it up.
I finally did; by telling the people I was so involved with that I was leaving and could not and would not come back. God help me, I hope I don't, because of what it was doing to me, and would have, it I'd continued down that road.
It's been two days; I'm in mourning over what I gave up. It really is powerfully addictive.
Posted by: Quirt at Jul 18, 2007 6:39:55 PM
It is amazing how rational adults experience the same kind of addiction to sl. I also have had a couple of relationships on sl that were very intense and very arousing. I was deeply infatuated with these people. I have witnessed others in sl experiencing the same feelings, the same heartache. I have a family of my own and I am unwilling to leave sl. I have changed the way in which I interact with these people on sl. It's strictly platonic in nature now. I refuse to engage in conversation with the opposite sex, other than my existing friendships. So far it seems to be working. Perhaps I am fooling myself.
Posted by: RJ at Jul 19, 2007 3:24:58 PM
Finally, I realize I am not crazy! There are others who believe like me about SL and it's addictive properties! About 2 months ago I heard about SL from a friend at work. My wife loved the SIMS life, so I thought this would be a nice new "game" for her. She didn't have a clue how to get started. So I read up and helped her get an account a create and Avatar etc... (it's like I put the crackpipe to her lips and put the BIC lighter to the bowl for her) She took off and never looked back. Of course at first it was fun and cute, but then she started ignoring me and her mother (she lives with us), and not interacting with us unless it was about SL. Then finally she got secretive and stopped letting me see her computer. (I am an IT) so she must have realized that I would figure out what she was doing online. AND yes, she's had many boyfriends, had tons of sex, doing things SHE'd never do with me!When I confronted her she was in denial, when I threatened to cut off her internet she got hostile. Later she'd wind down from her "high" and come looking for love and support from me. And then, boom back to the SL crack pipe for more. At first I thought it was a phase... But now I too realize that I am a SL widower too. We need a support group. I don't want to losse my wife, but I don't want to have a child with someone so deep in addiction.
Posted by: Marcus at Jul 28, 2007 1:31:29 PM
I hate SL. My best friend (or I should say former bf) started playing a few months ago. She wanted me to join but I couldn't get the software to work, so I said the hell with it. Soon, she was so engrossed in it, that our telephone conversations consisted of me talking and her not paying attention because she was so wrapped up in the game even while we were on the phone. She couldn't care less about what I had to say, or what was happening in my life. She soon became friends with the girl who had told her about it, even flew there to visit her and her husband and now, I'm not even a part of her life. She changed so much! And now she gushes how this new friend is her BEST FRIEND EVER. Cuts like a knife to be tossed aside, a friendship that meant so much to me, obviously meant so little to her. I feel sorry for her husband and children because I don't think they truly know what's going on in SL, which is now carrying over in real life. Makes me so very sad.
Posted by: BestFriendLost at Aug 3, 2007 10:51:25 PM
I have been deeply lost in SL for the last few months. I have never taken heroin, but this cannot be far from it. Soon, if I can muster the will, I will commit avatar-icide and kill off that better, almost perfect version of me that has thrived in SL in ways I could never possibly achieve in RL. I will give up and mourn my SL lover, a truly perfect and loving being, part human, part fantasy. If I can bring myself to do it, I will push the uninstall button, kill my avatar and destroy my SL world for good and return to my family if they will have me back.
Posted by: Lost in SL at Aug 7, 2007 9:26:39 AM
I was beginning to lose myself in sl as well. SL was all I thought about (in a way it still is). I have friends in sl that when I am in sl are my best friends. I do have some contact out of sl with them but mostly in cyber land. I started to like someone, more of infactuation. I neglect my real life friends, family and loved one. I get so caught up in it that I stay on sometimes for hours, staying up very late. I spend too much money in sl on fake clothing, and fake skin, fake makeup. All of this makes me more appealing. I feel like I am starting to get a reality check because I think I am losing the love of my life. I sense his disgust at me. And he should be disgusted with my actions over the past few months. SL is not for everyone. It's an escape from the real world into fantasy. I find it is no longer healthy for me.
Posted by: Also Lost at Aug 8, 2007 9:42:20 AM
My advice to certain people-DONT INSTALL.
I'm sure it is ok for some. For myself, I almost lost the love of my life. If you have any problems in your relationship, don't do sl. It's too much of a temptation to escape reality and not focus on your real relationships. I am lucky that my fiance' will take me back after what I did. It's not what I did, but what I said and what he heard me say to another man. I hurt the person I love most. It is not the fault of secondlife, it is my fault and I accept responsibility for it. I just don't want anyone else to make that same mistake. It's now uninstalled and I walked away from that life.
Posted by: Fool at Aug 10, 2007 8:25:25 AM
It's one thirty in the morning and my husband is immersed in SL. He went as soon as we returned from an evening out with friends. Two weeks ago he started staying up very late on SL (until 3 or later). It told me it was innocent-he just liked his friends. The nature of his "friendship" became all too apparent when I went to see him in the study and he was so engrossed in virtual sex that he did not even hear me walk in ( I was not sneaking). I then found out that on at least one occassion, he had contacted his sl "friend" using his work email with complete identifying information ( I admit this time I did sneak). Realizing that I was hurt by his sl behavior, he promised on his own inititiative to stop. Well guess what- less than two weeks later he started again and and I don't believe for a minute that the nature of his relationships on SL have changed. He is displaying classic signs of addictive behavior- he is unable to stop and he is lying about the nature of his activities despite the fact that he knows his behavior is harming me, our relationship and our family. It is sad and it is humilitating. It is impossible to fix anything in rl when your partner is immersed in sl and I am not even sure now that I want to try.
Posted by: slwidow at Aug 11, 2007 10:39:57 PM
One day,i was asking my wife of 20 yrs what you doing.she said im playing a on line game,cool i said,so wrong i was to be.
Our mariage wasnt that great but .like alot of ppl it was workable,and then, one day i just happend to see her talking to some guy and didnt move away and i saw "I love you on the Screen" and that was the begining of the end of our Marriage,im not saying,i did'nt play a part in moving it forward too this,but when you Love someone in sl and think its a game,you are wrong and it will and can destroy ppls love for others in RL.
I am now seperated from my wife of 20 yrs and with all the lie's and deceit that she done and still does to her self and others ,it is to late for us and that really sorrows me, i hope'no one will go threw,what i going threw,but after looking at the above answers,it is not and will not be the last.
I still see my Exwife and yes,she still is on SL and still living a fantasy and still hoping she gets what she is looking for in life,but im sure one day she will wake up,but i think it will be after the"cows come home"i wish her well and THK SL..
Posted by: totaly lost at Aug 17, 2007 3:24:02 PM
I have read every comment on this article and a little over half way through, I uninstalled SL. All the posts here really hit home and I can see how my life has been affected by this virtual world over the past month and a half. I have been so addicted to SL that I spent way to much time playing it and thinking about it while I was not online.
The scary thing about how deep our heads get into SL is that we are being partially controlled by a computer system. We are plugged in. We ignore and do not live our RL. We actually do not find reasons for anything in the RL except for the fact that we need nourishment. Everything else is better in SL. More stimulating, more beautiful, more perfect: It is our fantasies coming to life. Our dreams are fulfilled if we remain plugged in. That my friends, is the Matrix.
However, SL has not reached the point in its technology as displayed by the sci-fi movie, Matrix, yet. We are still communicating with people around us; mainly telling them to get lost. But we still acknowledge their existence. Also the computer is not providing any nourishment for our biological bodies so we have to walk away from the screen to receive the pizza delivery before continuing our addiction. However, SL will continue to get better in the form of graphics, actions, senses, etc. that will make it more real. With its current technology, we are already seeing the effects through everyone's posts. I would speculate that this list will continue to grow in the future and maybe even faster.
I have taken my first step to recovery by uninstalling as mentioned above. I hope to see more people do the same to save your RL.
My next step is to follow the advice of some previous posts to look at my RL closely to see why I sought the escape. That is a good starting point.
Best wishes to all.
Posted by: 12 step program for me at Aug 23, 2007 5:59:57 PM
My case is still in developping phase.
My wife had some issues about her personal and private life, before. Nothing very serious. Our home is filled with her books. She had read all of them. We talked a lot about science, politic, world around us...
She was bored with RL - daily job, heavy traffic every day.
She got into the "game" (I purposlly said GAME - refering to the movie "Game" with M. Douglas) about 2 or 3 months ago. Not even telling me. She told me when media recently mentioned in the major shows about SL. So, she installed it at home and started playing. On the first sight, I said - that's crappy graphics. She was finding for me different interesting topics - "look at this - oh, this is cute"...So, I did not take too much attention. It seems to be very boring place...some buildings, pictures, walking through some empty space...
Just about 2 weeks, I had a sense something is wrong with her. She could not remember our conversation minute ago.. We talked over the phone couple times a day. Just regular life. Sometimes conversation was really bad. She could not remember things I just said....
Usually, I go to bed very late. That night was almost 2AM. So, I did not want to disturb her, I just lied at the edge of the bed and tried to sleep. Some other problems were in my mind (not related to the "game")... I tried to sleep. But, could not. So, after turning around several times, I pushed my arm to hug my wife at the other side. She was not there! She just dissapered! I did not feel she was getting up?! I got up and went down to see what kind of light is coming from downstairs. I found her at the computer. She said she had a stomach pain. But, that was unussually. I should hear her...
So, I did a little research on computer later that day. and found she was up at 2AM!
Very next night it was the same thing.
That lighted up my bulb! It has to be something really important. Guess what? It was a SL. I know her. She would not spend so much time on something like game...even books!
I found interesting facts. She had a two creatures in her control. She was spending all the time in "private rooms". Very sick place.
Step by step, things turned out very badly. I discovered she is absolutelly in that thing. Her reality was SL and her alternative universe RL. I tried to force her to stop playing that game. Reaction was the worst than in any drug addict. I know, things are getting worst and worst by any day, now. Today, she even did not want me to touch her. She was like Lu-Lu from Fifth Element - absolutelly insane.
I don't know where whole thing will go from now.
I did not read legal disclamer on that place. But, I think we have legal business here. I never seen anything like warning about twisting the mind of the players. And I can read a lot of similar cases here.
Disregarding recent disclamer, all previous legal documents of that game should be revisited by good legal adviser. I can see us joining class lawsuit against that company in near future.
What if she had a car accident in her "twisted mind" state? What if she never "comes back" in RL? What if she needs special treatment to come back? Who is going to pay all of those bills?
She does not understand she is an addict. She is talking about that word like about heaven on Earth... She is buying stuff over there with RM (real money) and she just does not care anymore. Who can stop her? They have to have legal custodian of human bodies with twisted mind? How I can stop her of wasting time, life and money? Do we need to join SL to go to visit "their" doctor to EVALUATE insanity of the players?
How I can legaly stop her wasting the money. She cannot make concious decission at this state of mind.
What is further step? Feeling the smell?
I will follow up this blog. If you, guys want, I am willing to join a list for the class action lawsuit against that company and many others (like XCITE, who is selling parts of the body for SL) who are making money out of people with twised minds.. I lost my wife. I loved her. I don't have clue who is this person in her body, now! What is my RL love compared to "love" out of "cartoon world"? How I can compete and win against "their" love and quality? I don't have resources. I have to WORK.
People, this is the problem on many levels.
This is insane already. What is the next step?
I am insane myself, already, trying to find solution. I cannot teleport myself. I cannot fly. I cannot be in the same time here and there.
We have to act together - NOW!
Posted by: hdtv at Aug 24, 2007 10:30:49 PM
Are liquor and cigarettes banned in a free country because a minor percentage of those who consume these items will express their addictive tendencies through their chosen escape mechanism? What about gambling, which has negatively effected my mom in her 60s? NO they aren't. Why in society should this be any different?
(note- I'm one of those folks that belives that good and bad must exist to define one another, and that humans only learn by doing, which means that ultimately, you can want to talk yourself into good behavior all you want, but if you are an addictive personality, and this is going to be your compelling weakness, you will succumb, and either perish, or evolve.)
Posted by: made2Think at Aug 28, 2007 9:58:42 AM
Come on people, get a life will you? It a game. Of course there are going to be people that become addicted to it. Those that cannot maintain real relationships with real people (You remember? The ones you used to bully in high school?) and this is the only outlet they have to them. massive on line multi player games. You must admit, the relationships in there are much safe and are much more perfect. Whens the last time you saw an old person with 6 kids in tow in the game? I didn't think so.
Other people, such as myself, have found that there are perfectly normal people in the game (And in WoW too come to think of it. Hmmm. Lets sue them out of existence too!) and who can maintain real relationships outside of it.
But lets not forget cigarettes and alcohol.
You empathy and compassion is overwhelming me. There is a reason that you have lost yourselves or others to this game. Perhaps the issue is within you and not an external source such as alcohol, cigarettes, SL or WoW.
But hey, nice job at attempting to shift blame. Seek some counseling instead.
See? I can have a lack of empathy too.
Posted by: Ed at Sep 4, 2007 6:25:27 AM
My mom has began playing this game for ummm...close to a year now. And it has ruined everything. I was 17 when she started and we used to be close and we used to have a normal family. We no longer have dinners together, she's always grumpy when she's away from the computer. I don't remember the last time my mom and step-dad sat down together and talked. its ruining my family and also a new business she took over 2 years ago. I confronted her about it in tears but nothing changes. I need help to figure it out, can someone let me know what to do??
Posted by: Lee at Sep 9, 2007 7:25:08 PM
In response to the post by Lee. This makes me sad when children and families are neglected.
I'm not sure I have answers but I kind of agree with the post by Ed also.
I can tell you this, had I not gotten into trouble with my own fiance' for spending too much time online on sl, I would probably still be on there. My reasons I think were out of boredom. The more bored I was with my own life, the more I let myself become absorbed in sl. I shudder at the thought of how I almost lost my real life love over a sl love affair that was simply a fantasy. I have nobody to blame but myself. Your mom needs to realize somehow, that she is losing her real life. The fantasy life is fun, but should not take over real life relationships and responsibilities. I was very grumpy when I could not be on sl. Now looking back, I am so happy I got my life back. I just found other things to do. I play a game called mysterious island, the graphics are very very cool. I involve my real life friends and family in it. This is so much more healthy for me. Your mom needs to find a way to interact again with family. The fantasy has lured her in and maybe if you all try hard to talk to her, try harder, she'll see how it is hurting you. I was only into it for 4 months though-not a year. People get so deeply involved that they forget their real life and put sl first.
Posted by: Kat at Sep 10, 2007 8:43:48 AM
I uninstalled SL today and also cancelled my account so I'm not tempted to pop back. I had been spending all my spare time on it, aquired a circle of virtual freinds and was losing an awful lot of sleep time which was beginning to affect my health to no great purpose. Even tho this was only a couple of hours ago I already feel like something bad has now gone from my life.I also experienced the SL related dreams, it was the first thing which came into my head in the morning and I even found when deciding what to wear more than once I had to remind myself the clothing was in my avatars wardrobe and not in mine.This is dangerous and it can only get worse as more people log on to it and loose their grip on RL.
Posted by: Himiko Kawashima at Sep 14, 2007 6:36:42 PM
I am so glad I found this web page. I am recovering from a second life addiction and am so glad to find out I'm not alone. I have been free of second life for three months now but am still feeling the pain that it caused. I think we need to start an SL addicts support group, and maybe one for the spouses and significant others as well. I would very much like to talk to people about their experiences, so please e-mail me. I find it helpful to talk things out, but none of my real life friends can possibly imagine what this game can do to you.
Posted by: Gary at Sep 22, 2007 5:55:26 PM
My dad started playing second life about 7 months ago...i didnt really notice it at first hes a big gamer so i thought it was just anothe RPG for him to try and move on to the next...then he got fored from his job and the income of our decresed significantly. He then got another job but only part time...i still didnt notice the amount of time he had been playing until the summer started for me. He would play from the time he got up until almost 4 in the moring sometimes. He was very short with me and my mom and wouldnt igve us the time of day. He also was very secretive about what he talked about on SL and wouldnt want me around or my mom to see his conversations. He tried to assure my mom it was a hramless game and his "santuary" or his "past-time". Then, I found out he had 5 avatars 3 females which were lesbians and 2 males...i recently told him to read the scenarios on this page and hes trying to give it a try to quit playing SL.
SL addicts find second life as an actual other identity. They can do so many things that maybe they cant do in reality that makes them appreal to the game much more. Its quit sickening how addicitive it is but im very happy my dad has tried to over come it. His married was on a small string and he even his relationship with me was.
Posted by: SL addicts child at Sep 23, 2007 7:19:46 PM
Wow - I just uninstalled a few hours ago - and I've only been "on" SL for less than a week. I stayed up until 4am last night, exploring, talking, doing, and I NEVER stay up that late. And the kicker - I had DREAMS about this "game." That creeped me out. Then I found myself thinking about it this afternoon - wanting to get back online and change my outfit, change my persona...truly weird. It felt like mind control, so I deleted the account and uninstalled the program. Then I emptied the trash. Now I'm reading "addiction" articles about it. After less than a week.
Posted by: Kennedy at Sep 30, 2007 9:01:45 PM
Hi! My name is James... and I am a Second Life addict!
It may sound funny but it really is not. I signed up for an SL account in July of 2007. At first it seemed confusing being a newbie and not knowing anything about what to do or how to use all the controls and stuff. But it didn't take long to learn. So I have been on for about 2-1/2 months and I spend way too much time on it. I spend my time working on making my avatar look really good, from buying a new shape and skin, hair and clothing, my avatar looks very good now. The big problem is my life has been consumed with this game and my family is suffering from it, especially my wife. I am not into developing relationships with women on there nor do I spend any time in strip clubs and escorts and stuff. To me that is really stupid and I have no desire to get involved in anything like that. I have friends in real life on here and we usually just go shopping or role play in the old west. So even though my activities on SL seem harmless, it is still ruining my real life relationship with my family. SL is very, very addicting and I actually wish I never found out about this game. When I am not on, all I can think about is being on. I rented a house on SL and have begun editing ojects which I like, but again it takes up more time. My wife has been very patient with me up to this point and keeps thinking I will grow out of this obsession but today, she exploded and made her point very obvious that this is ruining our relationship. I have a great life in real life and didn't turn to second life to get away from it. I just became captivated by the game and now my real life is suffering. I am trying to make amends with my wife right now and am not going to be signing on for a while or permanently, whatever it takes to get my real life back in order.
All I can say is, if you are considering opening a SL account, don't bother. It is addicting beyond belief and will take away time from your real life and what is important to you.
Posted by: James at Oct 5, 2007 10:16:48 AM
I went into sl once about 9 days ago. I did some combat, that was it. I first signed on about six months ago. Sl did cause probs in my real life. Well, lets be serious, I caused problems. Its 100% my fault-I was bored, I logged on, and let myself get absorbed into the perfect world. I used to log on to sl after work and stay on until about 11 or midnight. Tired the next day at work, but my conversations with employees were always centered around my sl life. I also made my avatar look gorgeous with the help of more experieinced sl pals. I had online relationships with two men, basically cyber sex-with visuals. I'd never done anything close to that before and I am not single by the way. My boyfriend found out and was livid-which he should have been. But I came close to losing him over something that wasn't even real. I felt "real" feelings for these people though. Its hard to explain, but you do feel you are living out another life, a more exciting one-with a more exciting and beautiful version of yourself. I think it can be ok, if you do not have a personality that gets addicted easily to things. Even if you do not do the whole sex thing, you find yourself spending too much time on there, spending too much money on fake material things. My life has improved since I've been away, but I must be honest, I still feel the desire at times to go on and play combat or dance or buy cute clothes, and dress up my avatar.
If you are having issues with sl, find another outlet for awhile. Many of the ppl I met in sl, do take breaks to work on their real life. Its not a bad plan. I am not uninstalling, but I think sl is good in small doses. Its too easy to waste all of your time in la la land.
Posted by: J at Oct 5, 2007 4:00:52 PM
My wife and I started on SL about a month ago at my suggestion. It was something I had heard about for a long time, being an IT professional and all. So we gave it a shot. It was addicting and wonderful for a while, but it quickly lost it's luster for me. I almost got involved with a beautiful avatar, but when she asked me to call her in RL, I bailed quick. I was only getting on a few hours at a time by the end, so it was not a big loss for me.
My wife, however, is totally hooked. She will be on from the time she comes home until 2 or 3 am. She will spend 10+ hours each day on the weekend on it. She has at least two SL boyfriends that I know of, and she escorts as well.
I can understand the attraction. You can be one of the beautiful people, have easy access to a whole new society that we never could in this rural area we live. But our family is suffering. My little girl told me today that her mom isn't fun anymore, they don't do anything together, and it just breaks my heart. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and household chores now, with little or no help. She only talks about her second life now, it has become more real for her than her first life.
I honestly don't know where to go from here. I could block SL easy, but I feel that will only make her angry, and she could always find free internet somewhere else.
I wish there was an easy way out, for myself and the others who have posted here. But I fear once you've gone down the rabbit hole, there is no coming back.
As for me, SL is gone from my PC and will stay gone. I will spend more time with my kids, they really need me now.
Posted by: Jacob at Oct 8, 2007 6:55:50 PM
Hey, does anybody know how to not allow SL to be downloaded. Because I keep uninstalling it but my mom keeps installing it back. Any more suggestions on how to stop her addiction, I've tried almost everything, and I am very tired of the life she is living.
Posted by: Lee at Oct 15, 2007 6:59:11 PM
Lee,
If you want to block her from playing on your home network, you can block the ports used by Second Life.
"Second Life needs to connect to ports 443/TCP, 12043/TCP, 12035/UDP, 12036/UDP, and 13000-13050/UDP. "
You will need to be able to access the firewall either on the router if you are using one or on the computer. That would prevent logging in even if the Second Life client is installed.
However, that is just a stop gap measure and she will find other ways to feed her addiction unless if she wants to change herself.
I wish you the best.
Posted by: Recovering Addict at Oct 17, 2007 1:24:48 PM
SL is different for everyone. There is a common thread that ties us together in sl and what many experience from it. It's that second identity we take on (the perfect you-without flaws) where you can be daring, bold and experience things you are not able to in real life. For myself, sl was so many things. It started out as a game, but it became so much more. For awhile it was an addiction that kept me from my real life. I found one or two people that I grew close to and even felt love for in sl. This bled into real life and became a problem since I am not a single woman. I showed up less frequently and now barely sign on. The one person I really cared for in sl, is now leaving as well. I do feel I am mourning a loss, it's weird. I most likely be uninstalling it, but I feel a strange void. In my mind, when I think back to the places I went with my friend(s) the memories are almost as if they happened in real life. I know the difference, but the void I feel is similar to when we recall a painful memory. I don't know w hat to say to people, it can be dangerous and time wasting, but it can also be a wonderful escape from reality. It all depends on the person. If someone you love is lost in sl, its because something is most likely wrong in real life. Unless its just that they are prone to fantasy. Its a strong addiction, unlike anything I ever experienced before. I feel great sadness leaving it behind. But its not the same anymore, without my friend...my sl friend.
Posted by: Rainy at Oct 21, 2007 11:34:28 AM
I'm reading all these comments and thinking, OMG.
My Second Life was born on 10/23/07, and I have been completely fascinated with it ever since.
Last Night, I was In World for approximately 16 hours straight. I'm not exactly sure because I didn't check the time. It took me hours to fall asleep after I logged out, and when I did I dreamed about SL.
I think our brains can make SL reality if we let it. I'm a little worried about myself now.
Posted by: Beth at Oct 27, 2007 6:13:21 PM
So, we all got to this page by searching "Second Life Addiction", right?
Admitting addiction is the first step to recovery, right?
Let's hope so.
My second life self was born less than a week ago. Since then, it has virtually consumed my thoughts. It's very powerful and very scary. I'm developing a relationship with a woman in Second Life while my girlfriend sleeps in the next room and her husband is asleep at her home thousands of miles away. She takes me shopping. I show her cool places. We attend concerts and parties together....and I've gotten to the point where I'm losing sleep thinking about her and imagining our first sexual encounter (which we've both hinted at).
I can only see it gettin worse from here...
Posted by: Don at Oct 31, 2007 1:03:08 PM
I, too, made the mistake of showing my wife about SL. I had a short fascination for it myself and can clearly see the addictive aspects of this 'game'. For me, I got bored in due course and am looking for better ways to spend my time. In the meantime, I did resolve some stability issues of out best PC, which has now resulted in my wife running SL on 'her' laptop and 'my' PC simultaneously for days & nights on end. She will 'optimize' all aspects of RL towards being max.time on SL. During her last 2 sick days she still did have the energy to be online for 6+ hrs each day. Always excuses, now spilling over into straight lies. I have 3 kids to think about. I'm considering to introduce some performance and/or stability 'issues' into our computers on purpose. Fortunately I do have some more expertise than she has on that. Starting to pray I can get this turned around while it is not too late.
Posted by: Oscar at Nov 7, 2007 4:03:44 AM
Its very addicting. I had a sl relationship with a male avatar. We would spend hours chatting, dancing, having sl sex. We would consider what it would be like to turn the fantasy into reality but decided best not to go there. However, this did become a real problem for my boyfriend. I stopped that aspect of sl. I find myself creeping back into sl at night when he is asleep, just so I can buy clothes, hair, spend real money on making my virtual self look amazing.
Posted by: Kari at Nov 7, 2007 2:51:50 PM
Its very addicting. I had a sl relationship with a male avatar. We would spend hours chatting, dancing, having sl sex. We would consider what it would be like to turn the fantasy into reality but decided best not to go there. However, this did become a real problem for my boyfriend. I stopped that aspect of sl. I find myself creeping back into sl at night when he is asleep, just so I can buy clothes, hair, spend real money on making my virtual self look amazing.
Posted by: Kari at Nov 7, 2007 2:52:00 PM
This second life is ruining my daughters life.She has 2 kids and a great husband,It all started off in jan when she first went on this game.And has never been off it ever since.She stays up till all hours in the morning playing this game.She is losing her husband,its taken over her life completly,We dont know her anymore,she goes upstairs when we visit and dont see her as she is on second life.kids are left to themselves while her husband is at work,we try and look after them as much as possible but not able to be there all the time.When talking to her to stop going on second life,she went crazy.this is like a drug.Its ruining her marriage,the children,the family.She is a completely different person,second life is destroying our relationship with our daughter,And we are concerned of our granchildrens welfare.We despair..
Posted by: Andrew Smith at Nov 9, 2007 11:30:57 AM
In response to Andrew Smith Post of Nov. 9th. Her husband needs to confront her and basically set her straight. I was doing the same thing, only I got all drunk and had a very inappropriate conversation with another person on sl. I barely remembered until the next day or so when I was confronted by my fiance'. He almost left me, he overheard what I said. Until that confrontation and the reality of him leaving me, I was just in my alternate land, doing harmless things. Not so. It may be fantasy, but its harmful if you neglect loved ones and begin lying.
Posted by: Seashell at Nov 13, 2007 4:03:35 PM
My avi was born end of August and it wasn't long before I was spending all my time on SL. I met and fell in love with another avi, shortly after we got married. We kept telling ourselves that it was only a game because we're both involved in RL relationships. Each day that passed we spent more and more time together, our feelings started becoming real and we found ourselves missing each other like crazy. We started talking in RL any way that we could. Just a few days ago, we ended it. It was almost as though we had broken up in RL, we both cried, said our goodbyes, promised to remain friends. I went through the grieving process, sadness, anger, relief and i uninstalled SL. I fell in love with a man who isn't real. Now I realize what is real, my fiance who loves me very much. SL IS an addiction, the "highs" and "lows" of the game are very real. I'm not ready to give up my future to sit on a computer game for the rest of my life being in love with some guy whom I don't even truly know. It's really not worth it....
Posted by: Britney at Nov 14, 2007 6:33:59 PM
Hi All, March 19 i posted in this blog about my "cured" Sl addiction. I thought i was cured.. well I was not. Just some days ago (so 8 months later) i managed to de-install sl from my computers. I have been sl free now for some days.. Free and shaking. Spend 1 1/2 years in sl. About 3000 hours all together. If you like it, well have fun. But be aware of the rl you miss!!! Rgds Piet
Posted by: Piet Rau at Nov 16, 2007 12:12:16 PM
I explored Second Life for two days. The first night I dreamed about Second Life and the next day I couldn't wait to get back to it. After spending hours in Second Life two days in a row I recognized the danger signs and deleted it from my computer. I haven't returned since. For those who scoff at the suggestion that people might be addicted to Second Life, think twice.
Posted by: at Nov 18, 2007 6:01:26 PM
Yes SL is so dangerous to some, myself included. The insecurities you carry in rl will surface in sl.I experienced jealousy for an Avatar I felt like I loved. Wht the hell? How is that possible. Even now, being away from sl, my mind returns to thoughts of the real man I met in sl, and do not know in real life, other than photos and a few conversations. Thank God we don't have ea other's phone numbers. Its been 8 months, but we still email. Did I mention I am almost married
Posted by: Katie at Nov 21, 2007 10:12:46 AM
Wow I can't believe so many people are posting about their SL addiction right up till now. I myself became an SL addict in July and spent all my time on the game- which eventually caused my relationship with my boyfriend to go downhill. I stopped answering his calls, and when I did, my mind was still preoccupied with SL- anyone could tell that even when i was on the phone i wasn't really 'there'. Basically SL took over reality and RL was just left hanging. I needed to stop. I'd fallen in love with someone great in SL and it was interfering with RL. Blame it on not being able to juggle both equally. The real problem came when the man I'd fallen in love with on RL and I exchanged emails and let our relationship cross over into RL. It felt like I was bloody cheating on my boyfriend, whom I loved very much. So I uninstalled SL completely and cut off all contact with my SL friends, including that man. I was one of the lucky ones who didn't let my RL suffer too much before I stopped.
Well that was months ago now. Less than a week ago, I reinstalled SL (out of sheer boredom and because i couldnt find any other game to play) and created a new avatar. And suddenly I found myself renting houses, buying clothes for my avatar and basically reliving SL all over again. But with more control this time. And the man I loved? He's found another SL girlfriend. The worst thing is, I found out that he lied about his age and marital status in RL- he's much older than me, and he's married. I hate to think of the trouble SL has caused for his marriage, much less all the marriages out there. But now I've learnt my lesson- I dont let SL interfere with RL. When my boyfriend calls, I answer immediately and drop everything I'm doing in SL. Because when it comes down to it, RL will always be your reality and SL... well, it's just this virtual world, not any more real than Warcraft or Sims or any other game out there. It's just moving avatars on a screen.
It's hard to recover from an SL addiction, especially when there are so many elements in SL that blend with RL such that you dont know which world is which any longer. But what I can say is that if you're enjoying SL, great, but don't ever let it interfere with RL. It's not worth sacrificing true love or a family, or even your health, for this. And if you're in a relationship in RL, please don't fall in love with anyone else in SL. You can feel the connection, yes, but keep it to just friends. It could destroy your life otherwise. I know they always tell you to follow your heart, but in this case, I think the head rules better.
The good news is... If you've found this page by googling 'SL addicition', you're already on your way to recovery.
Posted by: Mel at Nov 25, 2007 6:53:20 AM
I am the mother of a 26 year old young man. He moved away from home at the age of 20. I have no idea if Second Life was around 6 years ago, but let me make one thing perfectly clear. Second Life should be banned from every home everywhere. It is an addiction that takes hold and takes over one's life. I had no clue what my son was doing. He is 26, does not work, gambles, and goes on the computer. That is his life.
He was diagnosed with Aspergers Disorder when he was 21. He was not living at home at the time. It seems that many people with Aspergers do not like other people, do not like to socialize, and choose, as their avatars, Androids in Second Life. Do any of you know what it is like to have a child, and then lose that child to a compuer virtual reality world? I know what this is like. It has happened to me and my family. I do not know who my son is anymore. I don't even know what he looks like. He doesn't care about anything but Second LIfe. I believe he lives, sleeps and eats this virtual reality world. I joined it, just to see what the heck he was doing all day. I had to choose an avatar, and there was my son, inviting me to go flying with him. I admit, it was nice for about 10 minutes. Going shopping and such. It's a nice place to get away for an hour or so once in a while. But to live in this world, to never leave your home, to have no friends, to not have a girlfriend. To not exercise, walk around the block, etc., well, you must understand. This is the same as drinking, drugging, or gambling. It's an addiction. It destroys families.
My son went to college and is brilliant. As are most users in Second Life, I would imagine. But to not see your mother for 6 years. To not call your father when he is in the hospital. To actually tell your parents, "you are no longer a priority in my life". Well, to me, the founders of Second Life should be arrested and put away for life.
They have destroyed families. Shame on them.
Posted by: MelodyL at Dec 3, 2007 5:55:39 PM
I will be uninstalling today after work. Nothing has really happened to me lately in terms of sl destroying me or my family but I have had problems in the past. Every time I sign on to sl I have to lie to my significant other because my "sl" boyfriend is on sl and I talk to him. Even though we are only friends now its still not right to talk to him for it is like cheating in a way. I think sl is good if used in moderation but when people neglect their life for this it is dangerous. I wish everyone good luck and have a feeling that those of you who are worried or upset, especially the Mom who lost her son, will find that the person addicted to sl will get burned out on it one day as I did.
Posted by: No Angel at Dec 6, 2007 8:12:40 AM
Account of a previous SL/Chat addict.
First off, let's take a look at more conventional means of chatting. Messengers/Chat rooms which in this example we will state they are strictly text based. There is no difference in this channel of communication versus a century ago when people wrote each other (think of mail-order brides – men would often answer their personal ad). The more open, honest, and real you are with someone on the net the higher the chance of you forming feelings for the other person. Especially if your “real” life lacks something. Do not deny this fact. You would not be “chatting” on-line if you were happy with your real life (I'm not bashing I was a chatter for almost a decade).
People are shocked here that you could really fall for someone on-line. It happens, you correspond daily, you learn more about each other, a bond begins to form – sooner or later you're off-line and your on-line “friends” cross your mind. Now add all the other features, like voice, a 3D environment – and you truly begin enjoying your second life more than your real one.
I had the pattern to swing in and out chat rooms. I'm a student so during the semesters. I keep busy, and don't have time for the net. I don't show an interest to “escape” when I have things going on (living a productive life). Summer break comes around and I have so much time on my hands that out of boredom and to escape I'd become deeply addicted to chatting. I was only happy when I'd chat, everything else sucked.
So when I found SL, it was a dream come true at that time to me. I could be taller, slimmer, buy clothes, shoes, and jewelry that I could only dream about buying in RL. I've spent probably $400-$600 easy in SL over the time I spent playing on/off (I'm not proud of it – but just like an addict you have to get your fix). The time I had put into fixing a virtual wardrobe is pathetic – and everything had to be perfect! I had the ability to role-play well which also made me much liked among my “SL friends.” SL/Chat opened doors to meeting people who had the same interests as I did. It's an easier medium to meet people. And in many ways allowed me to live a fantasy life which never existed, but filled a void. A void that only felt “complete,” for the moment.
I finally gave up on SL about six months ago. I do not log in under any circumstances. I am terrified of downloading the updates because I may get warped into it again. Yet I still say later in life, I may log in – someday. The point is meeting people on-line is a complete waste of time. It took me many years to see this fact. It's ashame because you do meet (they seem to be) wonderful people on-line, but until addicts realize it will only ever be an on-line thing nothing will ever change. You have to sit back and do an accounting of your life. My family would complain about the hours I was putting in. I would reply or my excuse was is because my life was (in words or less) in adequate and I NEEDED escape.
At one point I had 60 people on my Yahoo list. I'm down to maybe 2. We talked for a couple months, we had some really intense conversations. I couldn't believe the things going through my mind and heart – the emotion.
(From someon's blog..)
“Ok first let me tell you what is not real love. In INTERNET love is not real love. You can agree with this or not but if you think about it INTERNET love can be over with in just one click of the ignore button. Real love is two adults looking each other in the eyes and talking out their troubles. That is real love. But on the internet it is too easy to click someone or make a new name or just don’t talk to that person again no matter how much hell you put them thru.. Yes, the pain and hurt is still the same and even tho you was willing to lose your wife, family and home it was not real love.”
I first read this and did not think much about, “clicking and forgetting,” I just understood how the author felt – on how it felt LIKE love. However, looking back between my main Yahoo friends and how we're starting to slack off from one another I understand the other part as well now. Trust me, no two people could have been tighter from on-line, and now less and less frequent. It's not real – stop feeding your fantasy. Do an account on your life – and make change. The best thing to do is stop cold turkey. When I finally realized the pull these, “internet friends,” had on my life – I just had to let them know I was going to stop the chatting and take off for awhile, and within time maybe we'll cross paths again. Most understood where I was coming from, and had actually stated they wish they had the will power to do the same. A few were so upset about it – THEY TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO CONTINUE LOGGING IN (I could swear)!
You have to face the music (stop chatting/gaming), live with the consequence (real life might not be that easy/fun – for right now but you can alter this – make first life worth living!) and strive for change (be the person you want to be – focus on a transformation).
And for the people who have wife/husband/children – but allow this addiction – shame on you! I don't see how you let that even happen.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain
Posted by: at Dec 9, 2007 6:24:28 AM
very interesting, but I don't agree with you
Idetrorce
Posted by: Idetrorce at Dec 15, 2007 3:01:46 AM
SL makes me question my own life not because I believe a world were everyone is beautiful and you can fly is real, but because it gives me happiness that I can't get in normal life. SL makes me challenge the assumptions that I make about my life and makes me question the compromises that I have made, for good or bad. The fact I enjoy it raises flags about me in my own mind and the people that I can candidly talk to simply offer different perspectives which can be dangerous to the status quo of my life. Had SL never come along, would I have somehow realized these things in isolation? Maybe not.
Posted by: at Dec 17, 2007 11:04:20 AM
I have read 3/4 of this page and I will say, from what I see it is all true. I started 3 days ago and have rushed home from work, ignored my responsibilities, including my wife, and thought of inappropriate relationships through SL. It is addictive. It will only get worse with playing more and becoming more deeply involved. I decided last night to uninstall when I didn't want to play it near my wife. I am already missing it, and common sense tells me that such a fast and deep addiction to something that was supposed to be just a "game" is just too much. This is dangerous stuff...
Posted by: Mr Anonymous at Dec 22, 2007 5:24:22 AM
Hello everyone.
I arrived at this page after googling "secondlife addiction". I have only been on sl a couple of weeks and feel addicted. I'm a single guy with a steady job. The only thing I can relate this "game" to is a drug. I used to play playstation games and this is nothing like a video game. As many here have said, it's like a "perfect world", but not real! I have already found myself hanging out in strip clubs, having anonymous sex with women in alleys, this is a dangerous game. It has caused me to step outside myself and question my morals. If I had lots of money to blow on strip clubs and wander around having sex with strangers, would I do it in real life?! I hope not...but it's very scary. The other night I was in a club listening to a live DJ and looking around at the people dancing and chatting. I would find myself looking behind my back, looking to see who is sitting or standing where (I'm nervous around large crowds in rl) I was actually reacting the way I do in rl, then I'd have to shake my head and sort of get out of this trance and several times I had to walk away from my pc and say to myself "ok this isn't real!" It's certainly on a level in the digital world I've never experienced. it's very scary. I actually spent Christmas on this damn game instead of being with family. I feel so terrible for doing that. And many of these sl "residents" are heavily wrapped up in this thing. I told one sl friend that I think maybe I should take some time off of the game because it was making me feel weird and it was just too trippy. They replied.."it's ok, just stick with me and you'll be alright". It was as if they were trying to suck me in even further, like they are dying for others too join them in this crazy fantasy world. Some of the residents I've talked to will be telling me about how they have to go to work at 8:00pm and I'm thinking they are talking about a real life job but they are talking about sl! They are very hooked beyond comprehension. If you step back and see signs of withdrawing from friends and family, missing work (I've not missed work luckily) or other symptoms mentioned earlier in these posts..if you notice...same thing as a drug addiction. This game is a drug and is very dangerous!
Posted by: Anonymous at Dec 27, 2007 3:57:29 PM
SL has saved my life from being a total disaster. Many people who get addicted to SL are naricissists. I have been with my fiance for nearly 5yrs now & could never really put my finger on what was wrong. She was always the most wonderful person but something was never"right". I guess it just needed something like second life to show the true colours of someone.
I am now in the process of packing my stuff & moving on with my life. Thanks second life... I have now been given the wisdom to spot a narcissist.
Posted by: Jez at Jan 1, 2008 6:03:00 PM
I do agree about the addictive quality of the game. When I first joined I missed maybe two days working time in giddily exploring the possibilities.
But somehow the addiction did not stick. I managed to avoid making friends(I didn't change my avatar to anything attractive) and I was cautious about buying any dollars and getting into land purchases so soon I found I was wandering round feeling lost and found the place empty and sadly over-commercial.
One "saving grace" for me was the pathetic graphic rendering, which irritated me a lot as an artist, almost so I couldn't bear to look at it. Another was the slow rendering on my ancient computer.
So while I haven't uninstalled I rarely log in. It's there if I want it but I recognise it should be in the poison cupboard, and feel there ought to be support group for SL widows and others adversely affected.
Posted by: Sardax at Jan 2, 2008 4:55:31 AM
My sister is a SL addict.Her life is 100% commited to SL.She has become a midwife in SL,delivering SL babies.
She has new SL parents and family.SL parents that actually encourage her to keep up the addiction.SL parents that actually dont mind how many hours a day you are in there.SL parents that dont threaten your addiction by uninstalling the SL software or cutting off the internet.SL parents that tell you that your children aged 2 and 3 dont need their mum all the time.
Maybe one day when she realises that she no longer wants to be part of this addictive brainwashing game.She will actually come back down to earth again,in RL as a real person in the real world.
Posted by: mark at Jan 3, 2008 10:10:45 AM
Hello, I’m a Second life addict and this month, I was only connected for 5 hours. I don’t think I’m cured but maybe I have found my balance between my real life and my second life.
I really hope that my little testimonial will help. This is how I managed
- I told my SL friends that second life was causing trouble in my real life (work, sanity, and that I needed to take a step backward and that I would certainly need their help. And they were all fantastic ! They all understood my decision and gave me a hand.
Real friends will help you to click on “log out” by telling you “You shouldn’t be there and you know why”. I suppose bad one will tell you to stay a little bit more with them…
- I stopped to go shopping and to go to the freebies : I have all I need in my inventory and it’s not a consumerist contest ! :) The few lindens I have are given in tips and it’s really gratifying to simply reward.
- I stopped to change my clothes : Superman does have one suit and he’s a superhero, my avatar is perfect to my eyes and it’s a real time-saving to do something more entertaining than play with one’s doll.
- I stopped to make new friends and I’m trying to build a real relationship with those I already have with e-mail, photo, etc.
When I’m connected on SL, I set up the volume control of an alarm-clock at the higher and the nastiest sound on snooze at the other end of the room. Never more than an hour per day.
And when I want to spend more time than I should in SL, I tell myself that it won’t help me to improve in my real life, I made a decision, I read this blog’s page one more time and log out.
My little sin in SL is hearing live performance, so I set my avatar in “busy” and I can simply enjoy the music in RL, doing something else than to be sitting in front of the screen.
I spend more time with my RL friends to enjoy it. I have begun to play piano -my avatar seems to be so gifted, why couldn’t I ?- and to hike -reality worths to be seen too !-
To detoxify was and still tough but it’s vital if you don’t want that all you have in few years are only virtual. If you found this page, it’s because you have understood that there is a problem with second life and now, you can see you’re not the only one
All my apologies for the grammar and vocabulary faults, English is not my mother tongue.
Posted by: I’m on the mend at Jan 6, 2008 4:18:48 AM
I am on a 2 week break from sl and my kids r thrilled! It has been a week and I have read a book, went hiking, working at the gym and cooking balanced meals!! : ) Most of my real fun in sl happens when the kids r in bed, but I got caught up in camping with a alt, which can be very time consuming and a real energy sapper, so giving up that for a month 2 c if I can cut down my spending so I can give it up all together. Balance is the key and I pray that I can keep it healthy for all involved in my rl and sl.
Posted by: Clover Vella at Jan 10, 2008 4:52:06 PM
Here I am three months after introducing my wife to SL and I have never been lonelier. I am sitting on the couch on my laptop opposite my wife and she is on SL on hers.
We have been together 12 years and have been through a lot of really tough things, but never anything quite like this. She has become completely addicted to this other life and has chosen the relationships she has made on it over our own relationship.
The worst part is that she admits she has been abusing it, she realizes how it makes me feel when she is on it, and she has completely lost her ability to control her urges, but she refuses to admit it is a problem. She denies the need for help and calls my feelings toward it 'ridiculous' and 'silly.'
I have even gotten to the point where I am starting to believe her that it is me with the problem.
She stays up until all hours of the night chatting with people and dancing with people and flirting with guys (she has admitted all of these things to me) and thinks that it isn't a problem since it isn't really her that is doing it but her avatar.
She has had incredible mood swings when we discuss this, she is hurtful towards me when it gets close to her SL time and tries to push me away, and she completely disregards my appeals to put it away and take some time off. I have managed to convince her that for the sake of our relationship she should take a night off but in the two instances she has attempted to do so she has struggled hugely.
She cried the first night and tried to convince me to let her go on. I told her that she makes her own choices and to her credit she managed to stay off, but not after becoming quite emotional in an abusive way.
This is a very serious problem to me and the family (we have two kids who also notice a change in her) and are doing our best to work through this, but it is not easy.
She is intensely private to the point of hiding her computer when she goes out, to sleeping with it next to her bed so she can make sure I don't touch it at night or in the morning when I go to work.
This is a very severe problem in our lives and I really hope we can work things through before our relationship deteriorates beyond repair.
Before SL we had a great, strong relationship. Now, we can hardly function as a couple there is so much tension between us.
This is a sad story that I can only hope has a happy ending...
Posted by: Lonely Hubby at Jan 14, 2008 9:11:53 PM
I can identify with the previous post. I've been on sl for almost a year. My relationship almost came to a halt in my real life. What I can tell all of you for sure is that when your wife/husband/significant other gets "private" about the computer and sl it is because more is going on than dancing on a computer screen with avatars. A connection is being made with another person on the other end. It could be harmless, but more often than not, it is not. I thought I was falling for an avatar. I knew his name, knew things about him in real life. I had strong feelings (I thought) for this man. The problem is that this IS an escape. The individual feels fulfilled on sl, whether its a fulfillment from a lacking relationship or it is something else. For me, I am not the attractive woman I once was, and I am insecure in real life. My boyfriend loves me the way I am but I used to be the center of attention and all eyes were on me. I liked it because it made me feel like I had worth. I always used my beauty in life, for inside, I felt inadequate, dumb, or unimportant. SL became an outlet for me to go back to being that beauty again. The problem was that I did develop real feelings for the other person that I was interacting with. I am trying to be realistic now and I log on rarely.
Posted by: Bad girlfriend at Jan 15, 2008 10:33:35 AM
my husband has an addiction to second life....so much that it caused us to separate.
When I found out that he was having an affair with another woman, my heart was broke....they had married, I saw the pictures on her profile. She said he was her best friend,lover and the reason she was living...there are real people on the other end of that avie with real feelings so don't let some one kid you when they say "it's just a game" some actually meet up in real life! I know this because I'm a counselor and have know been trying to help others with there addiction.
Posted by: kathy at Jan 17, 2008 7:02:22 AM
I cant believe I read every post here. My heart goes out to those who have lost relationships due to SL. Anything, in excess, can become an addiction.
I began in SL a little over 3 months ago. I have not let myself become too engrossed in it. I'm a divorced mother and not in a relationship so I dont have to hide it from anyone. My kids know and will sit with me sometimes to see what goes on. There are times however that I allow myself extra time to play in SL, weekends of holidays if I'm off work. I am interested in many things in SL. Building things can be fun, there are all kinds of classes you can participate in but the one thing I most enjoy are the live music concerts. There are many talented and amazing artists there. Like someone posted earlier, I can log onto a concert and listen while doing other things. I'm a college student also and I do my homework to the music I listen to. I even have a math tutor that I work with in SL. I'm extremely shy and find it hard to meet people in rl, I live in a very rural area and there really isnt a lot here besides the many little bars, something I am not interested in. I have met someone in SL who has become very special to me. His rl situation is very similar to mine and we have not even attempted at any kind of SL sex. We have a strong connection and have had so many conversations about many things and we both feel that cybersex of any kind would take what we have and make it less tangible somehow. Most of the time now, we arent even in SL. We can talk just as well and even see each other face to face in MSN. Neither of us knows what the future holds and we dont even speak of that. We just enjoy the times we do have together.
I could never forgive myself if either I or him were in a relationship in rl. I really do not understand why people do that. Although it is a game, you cannot leave the human part of you at the door when you log on, and the people in your life WILL get hurt eventually.
Posted by: Bonnie at Jan 20, 2008 2:19:49 PM
Sadly, I have also become addicted to SL. I suffer from depression and major anxiety issues and was having troubles in my marriage and also with my terrible-two's year old daughter. I was just so stressed and turned to SL to escape the real world and find a place with no problems. I read about SL in a Yale Magazine and I just wish my husband had never brought the magazine into our home. I looked it up and found a world without problems, a partner that didn't fight with me like my husband, and became so obsessed I was staying awake until 2 am every night and couldn't wait for my daughter to go to sleep so I could go on SL. I am missing the best part of her life and I am alienating my husband and I just feel so empty that I am horribly guilty for the SL relationship I was having.
My husband and I decided to meet with our (Greek Orthodox) priest this weekend to try and resolve some problems and get our marriage back on track and my internet usage came up. He asked what I was doing online that I wasn't going to bed until past 2 am and I was honest and told him the truth. Imagine my shock when he knew exactly what the Program was and about "Avatars" and I suppose what goes on there although he did not say in front of my husband although I am sure he understood. He said he was shocked to find out of this SL initially and how dangerous it was and that I should "wean" myself from the program. I came home from the meeting and immediately deleted the program because he was right. I started to want my SL more than my RL and I married a great man, luckily. And I have a beautiful daughter. What am I escaping from?
Maybe there are some who can be on this program recreationally and not become problematic for them. But that's not my personality. And it will be hard to go cold turkey, but I know best for my family who deserve a wife and mom who lives in RL.
Posted by: Erin at Jan 20, 2008 6:12:32 PM
WOOOOOW
Well this is so true, I came in because some said it was a great collaboration platform, and I had a free afternoon, huge mistake it took me in, I was in a great professional moment starting my business with lots at risk and still I fell.
I am smart, educated, healthy, have wondeful family, still seem to be able to loose them for the avatar, that reflection of my whishes that I have created ... and its friends that has made...
I am not sane over this, but some steps are to refer to your avatar as It, that is in third person etc, always remember that it is a trap, SL's economy is a fantasy, Love cannot be completed, friends are sadly mostly all lunnies ... I went to Health Information island, to ask for help!! to ask if there was an in-world helper for pshycological addiction I was suffering... they ansewered me almost in disbleif ... thet wera as addicted, trying to do something worthwile as I was...
I need out... and dont seem ready still...
I have many explications for how cool it is, how great you can fulfill needs and secret desires, God I was lucky not to start those relationships! I have a list of people in-world that are just loosing their heads over SL loveds.
Also smarter people fall in smarter ways, dumb people falls in dumb ways. God help us out!
AAAARGH!!!
Posted by: M at Jan 25, 2008 2:42:40 PM
I can identify with so many of the comments here...my husband has Asperger's and in SL seemed to have found a world that accepted him; one that was understandable to him; without the ambiguous social cues of RL. He loves the building aspect- and at first the chat was intrigueing but after awhile, issues similar to RL began to surface for him-women with whom he had chatted wanted more, started sending RL photos, wanted to chat all the time while he wanted to create. Meanwhile,(not knowing what was going on with him) I felt as though he had died-as though the essence of the man I know and love had literally been translated into an avatar. He lied to me repeatedly, had a least one affair online, spent a lot of money, sneaked out of bed at night, spent every available moment he had on SL. He grew angry and volatile if questioned; even breaking things; yelling obsenities at me. It will be a long road back. Make no mistake this primitive halodeck is dangerous to those who feel shunned at times in the outside world and also have addictive aspects to their personalities.
Posted by: Natalie at Jan 28, 2008 7:12:23 AM
I could have written so many of the comments above. I too have read through every post on this site.
I miss my husband; it is as though he has died to me; as though he has moved out; which essentially he has.
Humans will never be able to live just inside their heads. The power of touch; real touch and connection is an integral part of who we are...flesh and bone.
If we make everyone "perfect" how will we ever grow- learn tolerance?
As a therapist working with special needs kids also, I am very concerned with the idea that SL can be used to help kids with high functioning autism- they are already bright with computers-spending hours and hours there, shying away from social interaction- sure they could practice in SL-but in my experience, they don't want to leave and risk rejection in the real world. Our imagination is powerful, but touch and RL presence have a magic far beyond any virtual world
Posted by: Skinmagic at Jan 28, 2008 7:22:29 AM
Well,
Ever since I got into SL i noticed my addiction, I have just left it yesterday(connected for about 3 months), this blog helped me big deal to make the final decision I was becoming the people in this cases. I said goodbye and made the best preparations to leave possible (you see I left real people and real friends behind those avatars), and things I had devoted so much time, energy and care.
Now, for all the people suffering and loosing loved ones to this, please make no mistake, SL is fantastic, it is a technologial marvel that allows incredible things, and things get even well... magical or at least so beautiful. A human emotions furnace it is. Count on this: Out of every 10 people that took into love relationships there (dating etc..) I guess 9 develops a dramatic experience. In my words the go nuts.
Also it takes hours to achieve little so u spend most time staring at a faulty computer, just waiting or "rezzing" or loading things, but connected to that "just one more thing to do".
It is my first day out, I miss my SL friends, I miss my fantasy -life, I miss the wonderful persona I had managed to become, I feel sick for all those countless things I will not get to do, and at this moment feel very very sad. So it has lots of addiction related aspects, except that fortunately it is a mental and emotional addiction missing the physical aspects of drugs.
I managed to stop smoking 11 years ago and I plan to this same thing here. There is so much to say and I dont have many answers.
My real life cannot afford that time and energy channeled trough Second Life. There are also good things to it, however the best one is for those that cannot moderate, is to leave it in time.
Some of my friends in SL told me "u know I dont have that great real life anyway" or "for some people SL is all they have" or "I am in a wheel chair in real life and here I can dance" that might be true, but at least one of the friends that told me that, had small children. Yet the best thing I learned in SL was not to judge.
Yes smarter people get caught in smarter ways, dumb people in dumb ways.
No professional counseling is available inside SL to help cope with addiction, maybe that is a first step. Just grab professionals that dont get addicted, (they all seem to do). And addicts will see that like another good reason to log in.
Well I said goodbye to so many people in such a farewell fashion that I better not return or they will cancell the crying sessions.
Good luck to you.
Posted by: M at Jan 28, 2008 7:25:22 PM
Well after reading through all these comments,all I can say is we need a real support group for this addiction. My husband has been playing for 4 months now. In that short amount of time he has picked fights to avoid me/reality/responsibilities and sadly even sex to spend more time on SL! I guess I should have seen the warning signs when a month into playing we went away to celebrate our wedding anniversary. During which he complained about 'missing the game'-even while walking hand in hand on a beach with me! Most of the holidays consisted of him secluding himself for hours on end,being angry and moody if he had to participate,and trying to schedule every moment of our lives and his free time to optimize his online playing time.
Finally a few weeks ago,after numerous fights over this topic my gut told me there was something more going on than just a game. So I decided to do something I have never done (nor felt the need to do) which was look into his online history/activities. Needles to say I was shocked and sickened by what I found=he has married someone in Sl and is now playing virtual perfect husband-complete with avatar sex,telling each other I love you,and basically having a cyber affair! Things he wouldn't take the time to do with me for our own wedding and has fought me tooth and nail over,he is now doing for a complete stranger. When confronted he told me I needed to grow up,that it's all just a role playing game not a real affair. That he is not going to give up this game or his new found spouse/friends as he works hard and deserves this 'escape'. The conversation ended with me crying and him again locking himself away as fast as he could to escape to virtual world. In fact the next afternoon when he finally awoke from playing all night,he told me he had talked to his 'friends' about all this and that they all agreed I was the one being ridiculous! That the ones that have real spouses said they don't mind one bit as after all it's just a game and nothing more.
He doesn't get that these people are already addicted and that just like crack addicts are going to do whatever they can to keep him hooked there as well. He seemed shocked when I made this sick comparison. Yet that's exactly what it is like,a very sick drug addiction. How could these people admit their flaws when portraying themselves as such perfect avatars in a fake world of perfection,right?!? He refuses to stop,yet has tried to cut back. Mostly this has just consisted of him being more secretive and waiting until I go to sleep and blocking my access to see what he's up to these days. I am at a complete loss and from what I've walked in on and seen the game addiction,sex & role play affair are all still going strong. Plus since this is not your 'typical marriage problem' I'm at a loss as to how to even handle any of this. Hell just explaining avatar sex to my best friend was embarrassing enough which is why I'm here in the first place,lol like everyone else. Oh well this little vent as made me feel better. Guess like everyone else I will check back in from time to time.
I love my husband and want our marriage to